don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
