Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
