I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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