3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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