So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
