i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
