Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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