Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
