ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
