I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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