the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
