My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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