So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
