I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
