i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
