I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
