I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
