My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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