God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
