this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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