I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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