I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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