Apparently you make a good broom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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