my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
