susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
