my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
