dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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