just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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