Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I believe in your delicious
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
