How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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