I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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