So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
