What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
