I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize