11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
