At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
