This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
