I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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