Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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