when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to have your abortion
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
