i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i think i just lost a toe
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
