I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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