I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
