Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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