i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize