i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize