Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
