tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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