I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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