wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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