Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
