So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
