Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize