the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
