my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
