My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
