I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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