Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize