I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
