Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
