so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
