So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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