When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
