i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
