i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
