Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
