Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
