I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
