We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
