The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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