Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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