i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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