i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
