Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
