Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
