so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize