i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize