She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
