why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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