ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
