if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
