i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
