I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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