So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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