I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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