i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
