The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize