i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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