don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
