Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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