Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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