Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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