Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
