Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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