So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
