Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
