i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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