I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
