we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
