you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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