he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
