DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
