I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
