I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My ass is underappreciated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
