There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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