I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
