Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
