ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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