at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
