Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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