Can i not drive my cunt home
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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