If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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